How to install an affordable home security system...

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14 Work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns and Ammo Magazine.

3. Put a giant dog dish next to the boots and magazine.

4. Leave a note on your door:

"Hey Bubba - Big Mike and I went for more ammunition. Back in an hour.
Don't mess with the Pit bulls. Better wait outside.
They attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up pretty bad.
I locked all four of them in the house."